First Things
What is our reason?
IN SEARCH OF A REASON
Currently, I have a huge flow of motivation but cannot enact it, because I have lost my good reason. I have several bad or outdated reasons, and of course I cannot act on those. Dilemma! It is time to act, but I need the right reason. What? Does this ever happen to you?
For me, this is a problem which must be solved, because I am a focused and determined sort of person. I am also a systems person, and I need internal congruity. I do not act randomly or without purpose. I must find my reason, and that is a First Thing.
What sort of person are you? Do you need a reason?
When I am unable to find motivation, or find myself feeling conflicted in my purposes, I invariably return to a contemplation of First Things. For me, the first things are always connected to inspiration. What, exactly in-spirits me? What is the movement of spirit in this moment? If I do not feel a forward envivification, an aliveness of purpose which moves me in full alignment, then what is the content of the moment itself, and how may I respond? You may very well be asking yourself the same question. Let’s think about this together.
I have no formal religion or philosophy. I have practiced, in a very focused manner, some of the major religions and philosophies of the world, including a decade of deep practice in each of Pantheism, Christianity, Buddhism, and Kashmir Shaivism, but ultimately moved on from all. Currently I contemplate Judaic Kabbalah as a creation and consciousness system, and find it profoundly alive and sustaining. It is my current experience that if one is receptive and sincere, Kabbalah will itself teach, in a living partnership.
And you? Has your ideational path been consistent?
Some people are fortunate in having a consistent set of beliefs about life, throughout the years. This need not be religious, as it may be a philosophy, and idea, a certain motivation or framing of reality which remains meaningful year after year, and streams forward the movements of their lives. Perhaps they were deeply moved in early life, as someone marked their attention by being powerful, or authentic, or genuinely good, or particularly effective at obtaining results. Often our role model is a family member, someone in the community, a leader, but it may be a hero or heroine from literature, theater, or even comic books. Art itself has long been recognized as a strong avenue of inspiration.
Many an individual has been moved to action, even decades of action, by an ideal, or an image, such as the Greek runner carrying the torch at the beginning of the ancient Olympic Games. These images or ideals can blend seamlessly and eloquently into our response to profound individuals in sports, politics, nature, thought, or any of the great topics of consideration which move mankind in all its varied foci. Mathematicians inspire as effectively as military leaders and scientists. Humanitarians have been great leaders, and artists of every medium. Our inspiring avatars are many and highly diverse.
WHAT IS MY REASON
We might ask ourselves a very personal question: Who or what is my guiding light? What got me started? Why am I doing all this? What, exactly, is my reason, in this moment?
THE FIRST THING
Isolating a motivating reason may be the search and primary question which serves as a universal solvent and a great centralizing context, when we are in need of understanding. If we need to check our reason, find our momentum, gain an authentic traction of self moving forward, then checking The First Thing may be just what we need to do.
PERSONAL STORIES
Part of this examination might be the review of the difference between our ideas, taught, inherited, or deliberately adopted, about what “people” should do, versus what we ourselves should do. Let us note the difference between meeting a criteria for good or bad evaluation by others, and designing a motivating structure which informs our search or practice of self. Did we start out by forming our actions and value systems around what “people” should do? Did this come from family values, direct parental expectations, social belonging, or our own unique attention to something? It is important to note that all of these routes of formation can be valid and powerful, and can work for us beautifully. The converse is also true, and it pays us to note it, if that is what we discover.
Here are some of the motivating contexts which seem to be popular in general practice:
DUTY:
The central principle: It is good to be a person who meets their obligations to XXX! Whether this is natal family, found family, community, the homeless, animal welfare, social welfare, political or environmental activism, or adherence to a particular religious, spiritual, or health and longevity practice, the idea of meeting our duties can be a very powerful organizing principle. It can also be the death of us.
SERVICE:
The central principle: It is good to be of service to XXX for the purpose of XXX! In all of human history, worldwide, there has been a strong ethos of taking care of children, animals, the family, the elders, the sick, the hungry, the homeless, and those displaced through war, natural disaster, and famine. People have organized their lives around these service goals to great reward and benefit. The downsides of this dedication are easily discovered, too.
ACHIEVEMENT:
The central principle: It is good to accomplish extensively in the matter of XXX! The drive to achieve may be inborn, as part of the human survival coding. Soon enough, the youngest children learn that praise from a primary care provider is very motivating, and whether we are learning to tie our shoelaces, stand up and take two steps, help mix the cake batter, repair the fishing net, extend the multinational contracts into a new hemisphere, visit more countries than all of our friends, or receive more academic and training degrees than our forebears, the pleasure of achievement can be deeply motivating. Contrariwise, we may need to reevaluate or even abandon this internal drive, at times, for many reasons.
People are motivated by love, fear, the need for inclusion, recognition, countless important drives which may be natural or imposed. How does that work for you, personally?
MORE AND OTHER:
I have provided several examples above, but you will certainly be able to see what got you started as a child, as a youth, a young adult, a mature adult, or an elder, in several different contexts. The great value of this review is first to see who we have been, where we are now, how that has changed, and what we currently need or believe. Then let us compare with our past patterns. Change may be in order! Very possibly, change has occurred organically. We may be the same, but what if we are not?
WHEN THE FIRST THING IS NOT THE CURRENT THING
Some of you read Tarot, so you should have no trouble examining all this theoretically or in practical detail by laying down cards and observing what you feel, see, think, and know. If you use oracle cards, you may find the titles on the cards are quite enough to help you see if your First Thing is in harmony with your current self.
Some of you practice Kabbalah, and may find it useful to contemplate whether you find yourself feeling more expansive and radiatory, full of passion and movement outward, or quieter and more inward, consolidating your nature. Possibly you feel strangely aware, and more capable, as if you have reconciled some oppositional movements within yourself, and feel that you finally know how to act in harmony with both. You may have moved from early knowing, into creative idealizing, active formation of your ideas, or presenting and extending your full design into reality. Each of these is a stage of a large, wondrous process, and it can be freeing and validating to recognize where we are in the movement. At times it is also helpful to ask which of some ten or eleven huge concepts we have been avoiding. If you study and practice Kabbalah, the great dynamics can quickly tell you where you may be in terms of your current First Thing, your motivation, inspiration, and finally, your reason for being and acting.
What if you are a mindful person, and you have developed yogic process, breath practice, sitting or walking or running meditation, to bring silence and stability to your inner self? You might ask if your practice is a First Thing all by itself. Does it still work for you? Can you calm yourself? Do you sleep well? Are you rested? Can you create? Does this practice have meaning now? If not, when did that start to change? What was going on in your life when that began to drift?
MAKING THINGS MAKE SENSE
For over a decade now I have been thinking in terms of three levels of scale. I think of the Immediate level, where popcorn pops and we take hot showers. We live life on this level of scale, and it can be compelling. It does not necessarily hold all the answers we need, however. Sometimes we need to jump up one level and see things in a larger scope.
The Intermediate level of scale, in a simple way, may be viewed as family, friends, community, the world. When we are a little lost in our immediate experience, we can sometimes find the harmony and reason of things by looking at how our immediate action flows outward beyond us, to the larger community of life. If we know that our actions are changing society, or the local gardening community, or developing the village voices to sing more beautifully, then this may be all we need to keep on with our immediate tasks.
Finally, in this simple schema, we may contemplate a Meta level of scale, which generally refers to the eternity of things, who we are across the vastness of time. The Meta level is beyond this life but inclusive of this life, and beyond us personally, to what may be the biggest things in the universe. Each of us envisions this differently, and vive la difference! For some, when nothing else makes sense, living the Immediate or Intermediate level of life, for a Meta reason, is good enough. This level of scale can encompass our migrating understandings, or changes of philosophy or belief or religion or affiliation, quite sufficiently. It is even possible, for those who have at times felt intimidated by the largest scale of things, that one day there may be comfort and stability in the hugeness of creation process, or evolution itself. Many things change, including the levels of scale we can imagine, contemplate, or find practical and motivating.
RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW
Solving your inner alignment dilemmas, solving mine.
I will backtrack into my history, for the purpose of practical illustration. Some years back, in contemplation of First Things, or The Reason, I realized that my personal reason was: To Deliver. I came to this life to deliver. No matter where, no matter what, I am here to deliver, and I shall. My reason has been consistent for many years now.
Recently, in my writing for you, I could not deliver easily, naturally, in the flow of my professed spiritual vocation. In the monastic life, a profession is a vocation. We profess (profession) our vocation (vocare, to speak) to the spiritual life. That is my practice since I was 7 years old, and formally and specifically for the last 43 years. So an inability to deliver is a serious matter. A solution must be found.
I found that I cannot write and share with you in my natural state of creation, when aware of the subscription structure of Free versus Paid. This variation in participation has blocked my way as a writer and teacher. I find this surprising, as I have accepted tuition as an instructor for many decades now, and still teach privately and offer paid consultations. Private consultations and tutoring are all paid, and my offerings on social media are free. So what is the difference? Upon reflection, I realized that my prior life was consulting and teaching, while this is writing. They are not the same universe and have different throughput from creation.
It became clear that the issue is the difference between oral tradition and written tradition.
ORAL TRADITION IS NOT WRITTEN TRADITION
So how is the Free versus Paid subscription context inhibiting me? I have realized that in writing certain things for some of you, and different things for others of you, I cannot deliver in my natural spirit. I am a teacher for all, but most particularly, a teacher of highly complex things for beginners and the perplexed. I find that a separative fee structure interferes with my delivery. For me, it is unreasonable, a state of non-alignment. Motivation should flow naturally, into expression, from me to you.
I teach earned experience, toward the goal of internal congruity. I teach this in all I do, no matter what we are studying together, in Tarot, Kabbalah, Mysticism, Blue Lotus Heart Self-Balancing System, Dynamic Internal Dialogue, or Spirit of Life. Ultimately, it is all spiritual formation and alignment. Even my rants tend in that direction. So I cannot teach a lesser quality of earned experience in internal congruity to some of you, and a higher quality to others of you. That distinction interferes with the great work of life, as it flows through me.
To reiterate: I am a teacher of highly complex things made accessible to beginners and the perplexed. That is my nature. My nature must flow.
You may apply this process to your own life and watch some of the kinks disappear. If you follow the thread from my earliest writing, you will see a steady development of simple concepts toward intensely complex inner workings of the human personality and spirit. The answers come in the simple theoretical beginnings, rather than the complexities of circumstance. Spirit acts itself into life.
GOING FORWARD
So, from this point onward, I will publish the same material for all of you. There will be no more Free Subscriber and Paid Subscriber distinctions in my posts. There will be writing and thoughtfulness and suggestions for all of you. That is my way.
Some of you support me with strength and love in the way of paid participation, and this enables my further practice. That is part of the Great Work, when you do this!
When you enjoy my style, benefit from my framings, find value in my work, and offer financial support for more of the same, I very much appreciate your strength, love, and participation. I write for you. If you help me write for you, I write without impediment, and continue this amazing journey with you, in pleasure and creation.
For those who need to read for free, enjoy! You may strengthen my work by praying for my wellbeing, meditating on my best possible path, or spreading my work around in sharing with others. Thank you! May all benefit from life.
Till next time, then.
Try some of this yourself, and together we will be In Contemplation.
